Monday, December 24, 2007
REDIRECT
tags that were tagged
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| 24 Dec 07, 01:08 cheryl: Hey dood, cheer up. It was nice talking to you again out of the blue. takecare! |
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| 19 Dec 07, 00:52 CARYL: Be strong Ahgua! Live your life. I'll still be there for you. I know we've drifted apart, but I'm not gonna let this friendship die like that! Ah, I miss you luh. ): |
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| 19 Dec 07, 00:51 CARYL: Slitting your wrist is stupid, I know I use to do that, I don't now. You're a strong person ahgua, I know you are. I'm sure she wouldn't wanna see you like this, am I right? Get a hold of yourself. |
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| 19 Dec 07, 00:44 CARYL: Think of the bright side alright. She's up there, with God. She's in safe hands. She's looking after you and your family from heaven. Stay strong. (: You were there for me before, its time I repay ya. |
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| 19 Dec 07, 00:43 CARYL: Ahgua, I'm really sorry to hear about your Grandma. I've been busy lately therefore I haven't visit your blog in a long time. People leave this world when their time is up. |
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| 13 Dec 07, 21:47 Ah Jie: for Ah mei.. i tag for you le~ =) dun say i mei liang xin. ok? hehee. hope you happy everyday. smile.. =) |
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| 13 Dec 07, 10:30 uncle to aunt: hey aunt...no matter wad...u muz move on k?and reali tc urself aunt...email me like wad we usuali do during holidae k? letter time...tell me wadever u feel like tellin me k?...tc owayls |
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| 12 Dec 07, 00:27 passerby: takecare. (: |
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| 12 Dec 07, 00:18 jocc: hey dude. she's gone but life still moves on.. no matter come what may, she'll still have that little space where you treasure her so dearly in ur heart.. =) anyw glad to cyaz back in sch~ |
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| 11 Dec 07, 21:29 Cxindy: it is not made up or exist for fun. Its real but rather useless to a certain extent sometime...i truely know how it feels like having that feeling. |
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tagged replied
cheryl- thanks!its been long we last chatted. i think few years already((: hahs. still rmb e times when i sec 3 that time. at your condo.
caryl-ah diam. dont worry!thanks alot((:! yeah.keep me update. lols. study hard for Os.
ah jie- thanks ah jie. thanks for your piano. i appreciate alot!
uncle- thanks. dont worry. auntie strong!((:
jocc- thanks. i will take your advice(: take caree.
cxindy- thanks. i try to think about it then.
this blog stop here.
click redirected to new one.
the scars where will never be forgotten..
my scars are committment
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Tuesday, December 11, 2007
After expo,with xerxes, went back to vivo. Get my pay and decide to have lunch at my workplace; thai accent.
After ordering the food, as the food came, just before, I took my bite on the food.
Handphone beep* message received.
“grandma jump down”
Was by my brother. I was shocked. Cause I don’t expect this to happen at all. My mind went blank. I called my grandma house, my aunt picked up den I hang it down. Its true.
Told my friend to quick finish and lets go. I don’t know, I don’t feel sad at that moment. I feeling alright. Perhaps, I was still having the shock by that message.
We walked awhile and nothing much, so began to go back. I took cab,was feeling anxious and worried.
Told the driver to drive faster, was holding back my tears. Was shocked and confused.
Reached her place, which was at cck.
Around the car park, I saw police, police surrounded the place with the sticker.
I don’t know, I was wondering whether I should go up or what, then I break down.
I cried like I never did, I was still wondering whether if it’s a dream.
I hate myself, I hate myself that she did she jumped, and I didn’t stopped her.
After all,
my fear,.. my greatest fear which came true. All this year, whenever I pray to god,
I told god, I don’t mind u shortening down my life and extend for her, i don’t mind, cause I want her to live.cos she must live, I will not let anything happen to her.
I used to believe that as people get older they die will die. And since my grandma is reaching 70, I began to think that maybe she will die ; I don’t know when but I just afraid that it will happen
When I came poly, I heard one of the faci said, as technology become advance, human will tends to live longer, which this I began to felt relieved. I relieved that she wont die so fast and more years with her.
I love her ,I want her to be alive forever.i never thought about what happen if she left us, cause I believe that she wont left us as she will live forever and also I cant allow her to leave us.
She was the one who had been taking care of me, since I was born.
I stayed in her house,which was at yishun back then. she took care of me and my brother. When i was 6, then I moved back to my house at bukit batok.
But this doesn’t end, during holiday, we will persuade our parents to let us stayed at grandma house, for weeks, for days,..
She will cook all her delicacies for us, like her curry chicken, her fried chicken or nugget or her herb black chicken.
I also remembered that when we used to go to market together and sometimes, early morning, we will go down to exercise together.
Seriously, the things she cooked are delicious.
Breathing the fresh air. Hand in hand to market.
I remembered playing majong with her, playing reverse with her.sleeping beside her, remember her sour plum. Which when young, I loved it a lot, her sour plum is those sweet type,
Sometimes, she will called us up and chat with us, at we grow older, we become more busy and the amount of time for us become lesser.
I know she loved us and of cause, we loved her too.
I regret, I regret that why didn’t I called her up and chat with her more in the past?
Why did I neglected her?
A lot of regret I had, and I don’t want anyone of you to feel regret, so treasure someone you loved.
Everytime I had problems with my family, she will be the one solving, visiting us, taking care of me whenever I sick.
She just love to cook her delicacies for us.
Finally, I know the true story.
She slit and she jumped.
Which when I knew it, I felt even more angry and sad at the same time.
Why must she cut, I felt her pain, I thought that jumping down was bad enough, now she still was to slit.
Why must she do that?
I don’t want her to feel any hurt.
I blamed myself, which even with the power, I cant help her, I cant stopped her.is this a power? Or is this something I made up?
What is power? Is it something that I made up? Or is it that it exist only for fun? To let me know how useless I am, that I can help others but not myself. So what is it actually?
That day she called me in the afternoon,1.35pm, she told me that my brother and I must talked, everyone must live in harmony, then she cried and say if she jumped or so ever, don’t sad and stuff.
I didn’t take much notice, because, she used to say something like this, so what I did was console her and stuff, I told her not to think too much, don’t worry, you wont die.
And she say okay okay.
But why did she still DID it in the end?!
Why? Tell me!!
4.13pm is the time she jumped down.
She called my brother at 4.11.she asked my brother whether can he come over and see her.
Den my brother was out with my family.
So he cant.
They hang up at 4.12
Den my brother called back at 4.13pm
She didn’t pick up at all.
So I concluded that she jumped at around 4.13- 4.49pm
I don’t hate my brother.
Cause I know they she did it, we cant stopped her.
I regret is I cant help her, I cant see her one last time, I never talked her around,
Even right now, I still cant really accept that she gone.
Somehow and somewhat, I just cant accept it.
She was just like my only hope in life,which I will have dreams and have target in life.
But after she was gone, everything shattered.
I seriously don’t know what to do.
I want her, I want her to celebrate each other birthday every year,I want her to see my girlfriend, I want her to attend my wedding , I want her to carry my child, I want my child to call her great grandma.
I miss her, I miss her food, I miss her when she called me, I miss her calling my nickname,”ah da” i don’t know why they called me that but it something that I was being called from young, I miss hugging her, the feeling of cooling feeling, I miss kissing her cheek,
I still remembered that when I was in primary, I cried in public, because of her wrinkled hand, I saw her wrinkled hand and I pull as though it was only skin and no meat there. I just feel sad and I cried.
The album which she kept, when I was young, began to bring back more memories.
And she just leave like this.even so, I want her to appear in my dream. And tell me how is she and what she need., I wondered how is she.
When ever I cried, I still can hear her voice in my mind.” bu yao ku, guai, bu yao ku”
As for now, either I accept this power or just forget this power and swear that I never use it at all.
If I accept the power, should I help even more people in the future and those who lost their loved ones or those who want to commit suicide.
If I reject, I will never help other again, just living In my own world, do my best in everything, that’s it.
I swear to her that I will changed to be a better man. A better person and achieve even better result for everything I do. Putting in even more effort in whatever thing that I do.
Even through this, I might be unfeeling person……………………
02/12/07 is the day she died.
Was there at 1pm. Took cab down on Monday after breakout to there. Was feeling worried and sad.fold paper money for her.
Her bodies came, I cried of cos. I missed her and I want to see her too. They put her in the casket and we see her 1 last time before they closed the casket.
I bought her “malay cake” she like those, cause it was soft. Bought for her fish burger. Sometime she called me and ask me go her house, den we will order mac. Cause she seldom can get to it as she do not know how to order mac.
Folding more money and burning papers to keep the fire in the basin going.tuesday
Went to school with cousin for UT.
Took train back. once in a while, I will talk to her, tell her I missed her and that remember to eat full, and take care of herself, since I am unable to take care of her anymore.
she had chicken burger. Without cream but more vegetables.WEDNESDAYtonight is the last night I am going to see her, I missed her, went to take keyboard from zhen ting.
Borrowed from her.THANKS A LOT! A lots of appreciation! I played some songs for her. Hope she like it,
I regret not letting her know that I can spilt and perform for her to see and also I regret that I never play piano for her.
Sigh*
Doing the same thing but today is the last night.THURSDAYThe day which she is going to be cremate
went to UT,which I don’t really want to go to but went anyway, cab back and we changed out clothes and wore the socks. To me, luckily she is cremate at guang ming shan in ang mo kio . which is better than the lim chu kang. Which means that I can visit her easily and hence more convenience .everything ended so fast, casket was being burned and we ended the whole thing.
Place:L2
Forever in my heart. (:
Friday
Went back school to reformat com.
and return zhen ting her keyboard.
THANKS!!!
my scars are committment
;
Monday, December 10, 2007
replied tags 1st!
Jknight: okay!relinked!
cindyLOK: Thanks alot!;).
Cxindy: thanks! you know i strong okay!
Zhiyun: thanks!
cousin joey: i know i know!=D. kbox!pub!CHILL!
Delon: thanks alot dude!
Ka man: CHOCOLATE NEH?LOL.thanks ;)
Adelyn:thanks!
LIANA: okay thanks.!
thanks guys for trying to console.
for some , i might replied to them like this.
if they asked, are you okay?
i replied;
what does okay means? if the person say that he is okay does that means that he really okay?
or does that mean that he only okay for that moment or is it he will be okay forever? if he is only okay for that moment, then what for ask if he is okay? since okay for that moment doesnt mean much and he might be not okay in the future.
or if everything will be fine?
if everything will be fine, he wont be sad. and if he is sad, things wont be fine at all. so things will not be fine at all.
anyways, i am just stating my own view.
nevertheless,
friends are being appreciated; especially your words which tried to console and calm the person down.
thanks alot!;)
loves-
today problem is hard, tml i shall update about what happened last week.
my scars are committment
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Monday, December 3, 2007
my grandma jumped yesterday.
thats e reason.
i will update soon.
my greatest fear came true.
my scars are committment
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Sunday, December 2, 2007
maybe not coming school this coming week.
because of personal reason.
hehex
this is updated by his sweet buddy. =]
as he is a pig who is playing game.
A BIG BIG LAZY PIG!!!
LOL.
my scars are committment
;
Monday, November 26, 2007
okay,
summary of jobs.
thanks to sufang and wan ling((:
metro, no. 688363322
cyber, www.dnacyber.com send 1 informal resume
taka shoes promoter.
time:1.30-9.30 6 days per week,1 off wkday.$5.50/h+ commission.
email resume+photo.
starbucks&coffeebean hiring.go branch and ask
munchydonut, send resume to contractme@munchydonut.com
night safari -call 91195158
5.40/h.
4/5/6pm-11/12am
i think i should take a break from school.
tired.
everyone take care uh!
especailly sharon and tish
tisha enjoy your holiday!((:
my scars are committment
;
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
read sharon lee blog.((:
i agree that encouragement and support is need and quite important.
cos sunday.
during my performance, as it was my 1st time performing, i was quite nervous.
and yeap.
then my spec flew like a bird during my performance by my sword.
all i heard was a girl saying" bu yong jing bu yong jing, jia you, bu yao guang ta"
asked me to not to mind my spec, dont care it and erm jia you?
but after the show, i forgetten about them as i thought that they are my senior, but in the end they are not.
anyways, i dont know who they are but what i want to say is "thanks!" cos your word affect me alot.((:
my scars are committment
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